Townsfolk Talk Tripe

*: You ATE a medicinal herb? Oh dear. Then it’s only a matter of time until you sprout cruelcumbers from your belly button!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t look now, but you’ve got a gh-ghost floating right behind you!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Dougally-doo! Don’t tell me you’ve never heard that before? It’s how hip people greet each other these days! Come on, let’s say it together now…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: What luck! You’re the ten-thousandth person to speak to me in my entire life. Here, have one million gold coins as your reward!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know that slimes are actually snot from gigantes’s noses, and she-slimes are born from their earwax?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh my—!!! L-Look at you! You’re stark naked!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You’ve just munched on a Pep Pip, haven’t you!? I can tell—I’ve never seen anyone look so pepped up!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hello there! I’m the reincarnation of a Hades condor you saved long ago! I’d really like to return the favour somehow… SQUAWK!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I actually used to be a slime, you know, but I finally got reborn as a human. Don’t worry, I’m not a bad human! I promise! Err…slurp?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Let me tell you a little secret: I’m actually a ghost, and my body is buried right below where you’re standing right now!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Have you heard about those fancy weapons that fight on their own? Modern conveniences, eh?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It’s you—brother! I’d recognise that face anywhere! We were separated at birth! Oh, I’ve missed you so much!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You’ve been my hero ever since I laid eyes on those spectacular spells of yours! Please, let me be your apprentice!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Wait—did you just hear that? Somebody just spoke to me, but…oh my gosh! There’s nobody there!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh dear. Now you’ve gone and done it. Anyone unlucky enough to talk to me loses all their memories. Can’t you feel them all slipping away as we speak?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Have you heard that drackies used to be as big as mountains thousands of years ago? Just thinking about it chills me to the bone…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Word has it all the slimes in Erdrea are combining into a colossal king slime big enough to cover the entire world!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Neeeigh! Neigh! Oh, sorry about that. I used to be a horse, you see. Hard to kick the ha— Neeeigh!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hey baby, it’s slime time! Get on down and bust a rhyme! ♪

I’m so sorry. Everyone here’s been struck by a curse—we can’t stop singing in terrible verse! ♪

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh my! You can see me, can’t you! Only children with hearts most pure can see me—I’m a fairy, you see!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tee hee! Oh dear. For some reason when I talk to you I can’t stop saying— Tee hee! I just can’t…stop! Tee hee hee hee hee!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: The name’s Jones—Inspector Jones. I’ve got to say, you really gave me the runaround, but you’re mine now, murderer!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: What are you looking at? Wait, you can see me? That’s odd. I’ve been dead for centuries now…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hang on, I’ve seen your face somewhere before… Yes, you’re wanted for slimeslaughter! Hey, everyone, I’ve found the Slayer of the Slimes!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Ohhh… I’ve lost my mummy. Will you help me find her? I’m scared and don’t know what to do! Waaah!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Good news! Your days of adventuring are over! Feel free to put your feet up and leave the whole saving Erdrea thing to me!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’ve got a hot tip for you: if you chug two holy waters after wolfing down five medicinal herbs, you’ll instantly get pepped up!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Father… I’ve been searching for so long! It’s me—your son! Let us never part again, dearest Papa!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: What? No, this isn’t Cobblestone, silly! It’s Gobblescone!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Phew! It’s getting hot out here! You’d better drink some toad oil, <pc>! It cools you down like nobody’s business!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I cannot allow you to live now that you know the village’s darkest secrets and juiciest gossip! Do not blame me, <pc>—you brought this upon yourself!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hey, listen! I’ve got something of tremendous importance to tell you—I may not look like it, but I’m your mum!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You know Hendrik, the great general of the Heliodorian army? He’s got blue skin, and he’s fifteen metres tall! Makes sense really, considering his father’s a gigantes…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Make sure to be on your best behaviour while in Heliodor! They say that you’re never more than a stone’s throw from a member of the King’s secret police—in fact, you’re speaking to one right now!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You know Hendrik, the great general of the Heliodorian army? He’s got blue skin, and he’s fifteen metres tall! Makes sense really, considering his father’s a gigantes…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Make sure to be on your best behaviour while in Heliodor! They say that you’re never more than a stone’s throw from a member of the King’s secret police—in fact, you’re speaking to one right now!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t stand there—you’ll set off the Thousand Traps of Doom designed to keep the King’s enemies at bay!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You’re still here!? Hurry—the royal wedding between the King and your mother is going to start any minute now!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You must be new here. The currency of Heliodor is horse manure—you won’t be needing gold coins any more, so why don’t you let me take any you have off your hands?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oi, you just bumped into me and dislocated my shoulder! That’ll cost five million gold coins to fix—come on, cough ’em up!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Haven’t you heard? For a limited time only, you can gain eternal life by sitting in the saunas for five minutes! Don’t miss out!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Today’s the day of our annual shrine-smashing festival! The whole village gathers together, and we start by toppling the gates at the entrance to our holiest of holies!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Today’s the day of our annual shrine-smashing festival! The whole village gathers together, and we start by toppling the gates at the entrance to our holiest of holies!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It’s Topsy-Turvy Day today—the horses are going to ride the humans in all of the races! You’ll come and watch, won’t you? Oh, go on! Don’t be a neigh-sayer!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You must be the new superclown I’ve heard so much about! I can’t wait to see you ride a unicycle while farting fire and swallowing fifty swords!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Here in Gallopolis, all trade deals with other kingdoms are negotiated by a cat known as ‘The Purrser’.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t go spreading this around, but the current sultana is the Sultan’s hundredth wife!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: There’s a secret something in all of Gondolia’s cuisine that tends to disgust visitors when they learn what it is. …Don’t tell me you’ve eaten some without finding out!?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh no! A ship in the port has been hijacked by some very violent vikings! They say they won’t leave until we give them all the town’s pies!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: There’s a secret something in all of Gondolia’s cuisine that tends to disgust visitors when they learn what it is. …Don’t tell me you’ve eaten some without finding out!?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Everyone in Octagonia goes about their daily business with a huge weight strapped to their backs. That way, we’re always ripped and ready for the next Masked Martial Arts tournament!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: They say that the statue of Hendrik lowers its arms when everyone falls asleep at night. I guess it must be tiring holding them up all day like that…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Everyone in Octagonia goes about their daily business with a huge weight strapped to their backs. That way, we’re always ripped and ready for the next Masked Martial Arts tournament!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Run for your lives! The Dweller of the Deep has come ashore to claim our souls, just as the prophecy foretold!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know the town’s buildings are all white because the walls are made of salt? It helps to keep us cool in summertime. Give them a lick if you don’t believe me!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know the town’s buildings are all white because the walls are made of salt? It helps to keep us cool in summertime. Give them a lick if you don’t believe me!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: According to the prophecies of old, we only have three seconds left until the end of the world! I hope you’ve said your goodbyes… Three… Two… One…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Apparently, someone dug up an ancient wonder-weapon in the nearby ruins, and the Mayor plans to sell it in the weapon shop! Let me know what it’s like if you happen to buy it!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Apparently, someone dug up an ancient wonder-weapon in the nearby ruins, and the Mayor plans to sell it in the weapon shop! Let me know what it’s like if you happen to buy it!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t tell anyone, but I’m actually…a boy!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You just happened to stumble upon this place—the HQ of the Mini Medal Illuminati? Likely story. Sorry, but you won’t be leaving here alive…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Watch out for the cannon lady, stranger. She sometimes shoots rockbombs at people when she’s feeling super-angry.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: If you set fire to the pearls you can find in the sea near the village, they’ll make an explosion big enough to beat Kaboom!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Sorry, but all humans are banned from breathing while in Nautica by royal decree!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh no! There’s a gigantic shark right behind you! It’s going to gobble you up in one big bite!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Our foremost magical scholars have discovered that the Heal spell causes people to grow a single extra body hair every time they use it.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’d get inside a building if I were you—the entire kingdom’s going to take flight any minute! We’re setting off for warmer climes!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: There are two factions within the kingdom: those who prefer Queen Frysabel with her glasses on, and those who do not. I fear we’re on the verge of a bloody civil war…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I always feared this day would come. The corpses of all the past monarchs have combined to create one massive, malevolent monster!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: There are two factions within the kingdom: those who prefer Queen Frysabel with her glasses on, and those who do not. I fear we’re on the verge of a bloody civil war…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know that if you say ‘Arboria’ ten times in a row, the cathedral walls will turn pink? Go on—give it a go!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Arboria’s been taken over by a lord who’s decided to rename the town ‘Shadows’… I think I might move.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Anyone found misbehaving up here gets shoved off the edge. You’d better be nice if you don’t want to end up a pancake!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: The island we’re on is too heavy to stay afloat! It’s falling! Quick, throw all your clothes off the side to lighten the load!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Training has been banned in Angri-La! The monks are all going to die of boredom!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Making tea in your belly button is all the rage here right now. Still struggling to make my stomach hot enough…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m a monster, and I want to join your party! I’m giving you my best cutesy eyes! Pleeease?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t you remember me? It’s your old pal Schleiman! We used to play together as children! I never thought I’d see you again!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m in an awfully good mood after hitting the jackpot today. Here, peasant, have 500000 gold coins!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: All the bunny girls at this casino are actually masters of the martial arts. Try anything funny, and they’ll break every bone in your body!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: All of my wares have transformed into slimes—there goes my livelihood!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Try equipping my armour if you really fancy a challenge—monsters will make nothing but desperate attacks while you’re wearing it!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: We’re currently selling a magical herb that triples the effects of Oomph for the low, low price of one gold coin!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You’re seriously going to stay here? I mean, it’s up to you, but all our rooms were full of corpses last time I checked…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m sorry to tell you that we gambled away all of your money at the casino… Bankers, eh? What are we like!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!


*: I regret to inform you that your adventure log appears to have gone missing.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: It seems you are aware of my true form. Yes, it is I—the demon of darkness, the fiery fiend, the one who shall end this miserable realm! Defeat me if you wish to save Erdrea!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Tell me, do you remember your first ham sandwich? I’ll never forget mine. The moment I took that fabulous first bite, a herd of ham shamwitches trotted on by, right on cue…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My eyes allow me to see what people were in their previous lives. You appear to have been a…pot lid. How wonderful that you were upgraded to a human in this life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve just cursed you! From now on, whenever you turn over in your sleep, you’ll unleash a thunderous fart! Muahaha! Prepare for the stinkiest nights of your life!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m sorry, <pc>, but…I’m in love with someone else.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Someone told me a bunch of metal slimes have appeared out of nowhere on Cobblestone Tor. Apparently they’ll only be there for half a day—hurry before it’s too late!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: The Dark Lord Masala just appeared in the middle of the kitchen—Erdrea as we know it is doomed!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: The Mayor just told me I’m the Luminary! I’m meant to leave to meet King Carnelian tomorrow morning!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Meow, meow. Meooow. *burp*

Meow.

Sandy tries to pretend she’s a cat!

She’s not exactly sure why, though…

*: This may come as a surprise, but I have chosen to quit my role as king and become a wrestler! Enjoy ruling Heliodor in my stead, <pc>!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know that Erik uses slime corpses to style his hair? That’s why it’s so blue and spiky!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You’ve got to help! It’s me, Connie! When I woke up this morning I’d switched bodies with my father!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Want to know a secret? The Lord of Shadows has asked me to give a speech at his wedding!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I have a confession to make: I’m not the Sultan! The real ruler of Gallopolis is the Chancellor’s cat!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You don’t want to upset me—there’s a poisonous snake under my turban that’s very protective of its master…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Don’t touch my mask! There’s a reason I never remove it—anyone who sees my real face turns to stone!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Sorry, partner, but I’ve decided to swap you for Jade. Your legs are nice and all, but they just don’t pack the power hers do.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I try to keep this quiet, but I’m actually a ruler of the Toughie Kingdom. My real name is Underdiggerby III.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m so sick of playing the part of the Abominable Showman. My real name’s Greg—I just want to speak like a normal person again.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: My father’s name is Golden Daddy, Mother is Golden Mummy and our pet cat is Golden Bob.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You know, I actually despise fighting. Can’t we all just sit down in a circle and hold hands?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I won the most recent Puff-Puff Cup, you know. There’s not a person out there I can’t puff-puff into oblivion!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hi, boys! It’s me, the lead singer of the Velvet Valors! I hope you like the song I’m about to sing…

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: There’s a long line of Kainuis living in Lonalulu—forty, to be exact, and I’m the youngest! But I’m the only one with a sweet tooth. Aren’t I special?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Kai? Who’s that? No, no, my first love was a dashing bit of seaweed. I named it Steven.

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Do be careful down here—humans slowly turn fishier and fishier the longer they spend in our kingdom. How do you think I wound up looking like this?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: These glasses actually allow me to see into the future. I suppose I should tell you that a mischievous monkey is going to kiss you on the bottom tomorrow!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I actually derive all of my power from the blood of living humans. I’d managed to abstain for a while, but I can’t hold back any longer. Bare your neck at once!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’ve decided to pack in this whole High Lama thing. I’m going to be a real boy instead!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: If it isn’t my dearest brother and his friends, right on time as usual! I’ve just made some pickled pancakes, you see—why don’t we eat them together?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’m not actually sleeping, you know. I’ve heard all the nasty things you’ve been saying about me very clearly!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You know the Naughty Stick actually appears in a little known legend. A divine being created it to spank mankind for being naughty—and that’s how people ended up with two buttocks instead of one!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hotto’s hot springs keep your skin nice and young! Believe it or not, I’m actually 100 years old!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Jööör! Jööör!

Jörmun lies and tells you he’s a horse!

He’s not exactly sure why, though…

*: I’m actually a descendant of Nhou Wat’s previous royal family, so you should show me some respect!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: I’ve come up with a genius scheme—I’m going to make fake fancy furniture and sell it to gullible rich idiots!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Hey! You just did the biggest bottom burp I’ve ever heard! I’m going to tell everybody I know that the Luminary is a massive gas-passer!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know that when Miko is alone in her room, she likes to dress up in a bunny girl costume and dance around? Oh, but don’t tell anyone else!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You know what? I’m tired of mini medals. Bring me some horse manure instead!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: You can’t go to Tickington from here, but you can visit Clockville instead. Do you want to go there?

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Oh dear, oh dear! I spilt a cool glass of Timeade Max all over your adventure log and now there’s no readable record of your adventures!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: This has been bugging me for ages… Okay, I’m going to go ahead and say it: your flies have been undone every single time we’ve ever met!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!
*: Did you know that the statue of Serenica actually comes to life and protects us whenever Arboria is in danger? Honestly, we really are spoiled!

*: …You didn’t believe me, did you?

*: You must be feeling even weirder than I do!

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